Jackson Sues Doctor

Funny story written by Sprocket_the_Wet_Toad

Wednesday, 4 February 2004


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Timberlake: Whooooah...I think I just fouled my trousers.

Well just when you thought it was over...Janet Jackson is suing her plastic surgeon, Dr. Steven M. Hoefflin. Dr. Hoefflin is the original "Doc Hollywood", the cosmetic surgeon to the stars.

In documents filed this morning in Los Angeles Superior Court, Ms. Jackson's attorneys assert that Dr. Hoefflin did knowingly and with malice perform plastic surgery on her breasts that resulted in an inferior outcome as compared to identical surgeries performed on other stars. Those stars specifically named included the singers Meatloaf and her brother Michael Jackson. The document further claims that Dr. Hoefflin's actions and his alone have diminished Ms. Jackson's marketability.

In a well orchestrated announcement delivered on the steps of the courthouse, Ms. Jackson in a carefully worded statement told reporters, "I can live with the embarrassment of having my right breast exposed to 89 million viewers. But to also know, that they know, that I know, that they know, that my brother Michael has prettier nipples than mine, is a burden to great too bare. It is therefore, with great reluctance that I must file this law suit."

Standing through the moon-roof opening of her limousine, the fleeing Ms. Jackson responded to final questions from the press about the Super-Bowl incident being a publicity stunt. Ms. Jackson said "That's ridiculous, why would I do that?" Whereupon she dropped her pants, and hung a bare-ass moon in their direction as her limo sped away.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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