Beverly Hills - (Ass Mess): Hollywood actress Lindsay Lohan has told the press her DUI incident was a "purely altruistic act of compassion for Paris Hilton" who soon starts her 23 day sentence in Lynwood jail.
"I did it for Paris!" Lohan said today.
"We may have fallen out in the past, but I did it for her, so she won't have to share her cell with some hairy bull-dyke out to eat her."
Lohan said she crashed her Merc last night "after taking lessons from studio stuntmen" to perfect a safe technique.
"Sure I rehearsed it a couple of times, why not?
"That white powdery stuff the cops found? Must have been something the stuntmen left behind after I shagged them senseless in the back seat....er.. after showing me the ropes of simulated car accident techniques."
Lohan was arrested but there is no news yet about any charges.