Television bosses, hell- bent on ensuring that every single show on the box has a 'reality' theme, have revealed plans to broadcast a program that gives the common man a chance to have his voice heard. Based on the X- Factor/ Fame Academy ilk of programs loved by the nation, 'Humdrum Idol' will be launched in June 2007.
Unlike similar talent shows that are open for entry to the general public, 'Humdrum Idol' has a strict eligibility code. ITV source Andy Peters explained to The Spoof that three factors are required for consideration for entrance on to the show: unemployment, obesity and apathy. Peters explained that: "the entrants will need to provide evidence of recent Social Security withdrawals and a reference, from a friend or family member, stating that they display an unquestionably apathetic disposition. We're trying to keep things the fuck real here at ITV, know- what- I'm- saying?"
This is, of course, part of ITV's current drive to elucidate the nature of the real world and the mood of the masses. One question immediately raises its head when you look at the ethos of the channel's program scheduling: who exactly are they trying to reveal the real world to? The Answer, according to Peters, is that it is us; you and me. That's right; you and I who, if you ask me, irrefutably, are already in 'the real world'.
Regardless of petty criticism, 'Humdrum Idol' is to be exhibited this summer and, in a twisted irony, is to be presented by Sir Stephen Fry PhD,OBE, MBE, LLB.
"I have to admit I'm somewhat reticent to have to talk to the proletariat; I tried it once on Parkinson; I was sitting next to Jade Goody and, regrettably, I fathomed not one crumb of the basic parlance she offered in my direction. This new program is a frightful prospect that fills me with anxious dread" said Fry, worryingly close to descending into one of his manic depressive nightmares.
Co- presenter Andy Peters told a press conference this morning:
"It's not that we've run out of ideas for new reality shows; it's just that all of the others have already been done. It's a great idea and I can't wait to work with Stephen". Peters vehemently denies the claim made by Fry that he is simply:
"A mercenary, grabbing, excuse of a man whose self-aggrandising selfishness makes it pathologically impossible for him to turn down any work offered to him" or that "his ambition is to be on every television channel at once, in every country, all day long for a week."