London - (ReUterus): Surgeons at the King Edward VII Hospital for Officers, Gentlemen and Hellfire Club Old Slags have fished out some suspicious Duchy Original products from Camilla's womb after a gruelling five hour hysterectomy.
The offending articles were wedged inside the fathomless pit for over twenty five years according to a leading urologist who performed the operation.
Initial analysis showed the first item to be a freetrade condom from the Duchy Originals organic pig's bladder promotional range. However, the coat of arms it bore was not the expected Prince of Wales Feathers but the Old Boar Rampant arms belonging to Prince Philip.
Further foragings discovered a Duchy Originals parsnip, some unusual gardening implements, ten feet of rubber tubing and a sack of Kings Edwards potatoes.
"No wonder the old dear's been a bit under the weather carrying all this baggage inside of her for the House of Von Battenburg", said a hospital disorderly.
"Fortunately the operation has prevented something quite possibly hideous from occuring, like an outbreak of mad cow disease or foot in mouth."
Camilla is 69.