In Praise of FLIPITOR

Funny story written by politicalpop

Monday, 5 March 2007

image for In Praise of FLIPITOR
98% success rate is pretty darned good

Dr. Stanford Templeton - If you take FLIPITOR, you'll be in good company. More than 20 billion Americans have been prescribed FLIPITOR, and there's nothing wrong with them. Why should you ask your GP about FLIPITOR? Well, FLIPITOR can significantly lower your cholesterol. FLIPITOR also helps protect your heart.

For example, FLIPITOR is proven to reduce the risk of heart attack and stroke in patients with multiple risk factors. These factors include:

- Family history
- High blood pressure
- Age
- Low HDL ("good" cholesterol)
- Smoking

But these risk factors are not in the list:

- Lack of exercise
- Poor diet
- Obesity
- Lack of sleep
- Too much TV
- Stress

Before taking any medicine, it feels good to know how it works.

Your body uses an enzyme in the liver to make cholesterol. FLIPITOR blocks the enzyme in the liver, so that less cholesterol is produced. With less cholesterol produced, the liver uses up more cholesterol that's in the blood because that's what livers do.

But how the hell did cholesterol get in the blood? Well, you probably put it there. But hey, no matter! FLIPITOR results in lower cholesterol levels in your blood. Genius.

FLIPITOR lowers LDL ("bad" cholesterol) levels in the blood by 39% to 60%. The average effect depends on the dose. LDL can sometimes build up in your arteries. This buildup can slow or clog the flow of blood. This can put you at risk for heart disease.

But what a minute, what about the good cholesterol? Well, yes, FLIPITOR also increases the level of HDL ("good" cholesterol) in the blood by identifying HDL's distinctive yellow and black jersey markings, and simply not getting rid of them. This also helps get rid of the LDL ("bad" cholesterol) by pushing it back down the tubes in the same way a plumber fixes a blocked pipe. Amazing.

It's important to choose a drug that has been widely tested. Most studies test how a medication works. Studies also collect safety information. FLIPITOR is the only cholesterol-lowering medication backed by 400 completed and ongoing studies. These studies included more than 80,000 patients, which is a hell of a lot more than the 200 people Danone used to test Activia yogurt.

Some studies focus on side effects. In clinical studies of 2,502 patients, 98% of FLIPITOR users did not have side effects that stopped them from taking their medication. Imagine that, 50 people, ie 2%, DID have side effects that stopped them from taking their medication. That's pretty darned good isn't it?

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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