HOCUS POCUS, Alabama - (Satire News) - A resident of the "Cotton Is King" town of Hocus Pocus has offered her gun expertise service to Donald Trump.
Ellonia Elvira Frippity, 43, says when she heard that President Biden was going to discontinue Trump's Secret Service protection, she immediately texted him offering to be his personal bodyguard.
Ms. Frippity, who just recently divorced her fourth husband, wants Trump to know that she will be there for him in any capacity that he sees fit.
E.E, winked and said that she can even be his bed partner if that is what her heroic hero desires.
Boom Boom News wanted to find out who this Ellonia Elvira Frippity woman was, so her name was googled and it turns out that she has three outstanding arrest warrants; (1) For firing an automatic weapon at a high school baseball game, (2) For firing an automatic weapon in a Walmart parking lot, and (3) For printing up $900 in counterfeit $15 dollar bills.
