WASHINGTON, D.C. - (Satire News) - The Daily Drama News Agency is reporting that Chief Justice John Roberts is totally devastated, depressed, and scared out of his black robe, because he has received over 29,719 death threats since he voted for Roe V Wade.
Roberts, told Cinderella St. Lamb with DDNA, that he had no idea that there were so many people out there who hate him more than an elephant hates a stomach ache.
The SCOTOS chief justice told Miss St. Lamb, that after talking it over with his wife, his sister, one of his uncles, and even his landscaper, he has decided that it just not worth it, and he plans to resign pretty soon.
Meanwhile his feisty maternal grandmother Beulah Fricko, 87, told him not to worry about the nearly 30,000 death threats and to just go out and buy body armor to cover him from his head to his toes.
Roberts hinted that after he resigns, he may move to Chicago, where there is hardly any violence at all.
[EDITOR'S NOTE: What???]
