John Cleese retires to raise frogs

Funny story written by King David

Wednesday, 28 February 2007

image for John Cleese retires to raise frogs
Kermit the Frog was straggled by John Cleese in 1978; begins solo singing career in '79

Famed British actor and comedian, John Cleese announced his retirement today to a crowd in London. The famous actor who once was expelled from College after painting footsteps from a statue of the school's founder to a nearby toilet, said he had no regrets about a career that has spanned 67 years as old as the actor himself.

"Nest of vipers! I knew I had it coming after I was dropped by the doctor in the delivery room and handed back to me mum and she said, 'no, no I don't wunt that one!' and she threw me against the wall and me head came off and rolled out the door to see who was waiting," Cleese told reporters.

Cleese, best known for his work on Monty Python and for co-writing the TV series Fawlty Towers in which he played Basil Fawlty, told reporters that he is ready to retire. But skeptics say that Cleese isn't ready to retire and is just trying to drum up more material, more people to make fun of, by dawning the clothes of a retired person.

"The old snake is just shedding one of his skins," said David Aaronovitch. "He'll be back in full force with plenty of crackers."

But "crackers" never did bode very well with the actor who was reported to have had to return a dead parrot to the pet store one-half hour after purchasing it.

In fact, critics say that it is the actor's queer and perfidious charm with animals that has him interested in raising frogs in the first place. No one will ever forget Cleese on the Muppet Show in 1978 pretending to be a pop singer with his own album, but ending up strangling Kermit the Frog for the frog's lack of being able to carry a tune.

"I think that Mr. Cleese is suffering from a malady called frogmentependenitis, or guilt from straggling frogs," said pop psychologist Sigmund Soda. "His desire to raise frogs later in life, comes from the trauma of guilt that the comedian experienced earlier in his career that is now manifesting itself. This frequently happens when we age and is a normal response."

Other critics say that it is just Cleeses opportunist nature, the same nature that caused him to gig the bullfrogs in Fawlty pond to serve in his negative-five-star hotel and restaurant in Torquay.

When asked about the incident, Cleese said he was just being a good host and serving hops.

"Nest of vipers! What did they expect? Wimbledon!" said the festering Cheese.

The jury is still out what kind of frogs he will be raising.

In other news today, Mrs. Piggy cannot sing with frog in her throat.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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