HOLLYWOOD, BABELON--(ASSOCIATE PRESS ) Britney Spears, the too pooped-to-pop, frazzled-dazzled, hairless-Chihuahua coiffed, super-duper star has had the beans spilled on her pill-popping, cocaine-nasal-sucking escapades or shall we say sex-capades?!
This little lost lady, a product of lifelong involvement with show business, has began to show a "crack", as hairy as it is, in her tinsel town armor...and this is only the start for this plummeting-pampered princess.
Recently her marriage with No-rap-talent, soon-to-be ex-husband, Kevin Federline, Fed-Ex for short, "Kev" for shorter, came a calling at Britney's Chatou-for-losers, the luxuriously pompous, Promises Rehab Center in Malibu by the sea. Kevin wrote a special rap song to help in her recovery & was beginning to lay-down-the-sound, when the dingy-diva screamed out," That's the reason I'm in here in the first place! Make him stop...somebody...Make him stop!!!
Could this be the reason for her itchy-bitchy-witchy, ranky-skanky behavior all along? We spoke with Brits Ex-Ex-husband of 2004 & Childhood-chump-change friend, Jason Alexander. My reasons for coming to Britney's side in her hour of need is simple: "I don't want her to end up dead like Anna Nicole Smith & leave a wacko-will without my name in it".
Could it be the stagnate-stenched aroma of $40 million dollars, earning a comfortable daily compound interest, suddenly left without a benefactor, is the true attraction of so many wishy-washy well wishers?! Well?! Could it be Kevs' castrati-cacklings are the root of the dementia?...the madness?...the scantness?...the baldness?
Maybe it's time for Mr. Federline to explore other ways for his livelihood. Get a job? Join the Army?...the priesthood? Maybe he can open up a celebrity restaurant/brothel just south of the border.
He can call it...Fed-Ex-Tex-Mex with a side of Sex?!
I'd go.
