MALIBU BEACH - (Satire News) - The singer known as "The Prince of Darkness" has just received divorce papers from his wife of 40 years, Sharon "The Boss" Osbourne.
Ozzy Osbourne was born Johnny Mikey Billy Osbourne in England 73 years ago, making him 73-years-old.
During his musical career his bands have included Black Sabbath, The Ruby Tuesday Sad-Ass Band, Turquoise Thursday, The Misguided Monkeys of Mozambique, and Magenta Monday, where he first met Sharon Fippenfipper, who was the featured tambourine player for Magenta Monday.
Sharon, or Silky Shar, as all of the band guys called her, was also the band bus driver, publicity agent, and obligatory band groupie.
Yippee-Ki-Yay Magazine writer Buck Yazoo, stated that Sharon just got fed up with Ozzy's incoherent phrasing, his eight onions-a-day habit, his extreme obesity (Oz had ballooned up to 419 pounds), and his constant womanizing; which included such notable women as GOP politicians Marsha Blackburn, Ling Ling McConnell, and Marjorie Taylor Greene.
Ozzy shook his head, took a hit of his Durango Bango joint and replied, "Wwwwhhhhhooooo daaaaaaa hhhheeellll is dis Liiiiing Liiiiiing MmmmmmcConnelllllll bitch?"