NASA has revealed that Christiano Ronaldo's late winning goal was so brilliant it diverted asteroid 99942 Apophis which was due to destroy the planet in 2036. Drawing comparisons with Christ, Ronaldo's mazy run also caused disabled people to walk, impregnated a woman in row A, and was hailed the greatest goal ever scored in the history of the game.
Manchester United, who told Wayne Rooney to shut it, expect to earn billions from the sale of Ronaldo if he keeps scoring late winners like this.
Ronaldo was carried aloft through the streets of Manchester by thousands of fans who had to get back to Devon on the M6.
Sensitive Sir. Alex Ferguson, refused to speak to The Spoof because we printed his school report ten years ago for a laugh.
NASA scientists think that Ronaldo has his own gravitational pull. This means he hits the deck when defenders go near him. This, combined with Motson's Hype, a well-known side-effect, is believed to have caused the sudden change in trajectory of asteroid 99942 Apophis.
