FLINT, Michigan – (Satire News) – A police report from the Flint Police Department states that an individual walked into the Ndamukong Suh Commemorative Food Bank and held it up.
Traci Diddle with National Rumblings stated that the individual identified as Tiffy “Yo-Yo” MacSheen, 29, made off with three boxes of Ramen, a jar of Aye Caramba Jalapenos, a bottle of Johnny Walker Red, and a box of Joan of Arc Pantiliners (?).
A spokesperson for FPD stated that MacSheen was able to outrun the two officers that were chasing him since back in 2010, when he was a senior at Flint’s Mrs. Henry Ford High School, he won the state’s 50-yard dash title, the 100-yard dash state title, and the 600-yard high hurdles state title.
Meanwhile in Trump News. Federal investigators have uncovered a little black book that has Trump’s DNA all over it. The book contains over 95 names of high-priced call girls in the Manhattan area.
