The Husband of a 425 Pound Circus Tight Rope Walker Threatens To Divorce Her

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Wednesday, 11 August 2021

image for The Husband of a 425 Pound Circus Tight Rope Walker Threatens To Divorce Her
This is a photo of Ramona taken a year ago before she gained 316 pounds.

SAGINAW, Michigan – (Satire News) – RumorLand News reports that Biff and Ramona Landetta have been married for 19 years, and it looks like the honeymoon is over, as they say in the mining town of Honey Hole, Montana.

Biff, who is an unemployed sanitation worker, says that his wife grew up in the circus world, noting that her mother was a clown and her father got shot out of a cannon.

From a young age little Ramona fell in love with the tight rope. And she got so good that last year, the Ringling Brothers, Barnum & Bailey Circus named her the best tight rope walker in the world.

She revealed that she only fell six times in her 28-year-career, but luckily for her each time she landed on her feet.

Biff says that due to her daily diet of popcorn, peanuts, Cracker Jacks, hot dogs, Dunkin' Donuts, and nachos Ramona quickly went from weighing 109 to 425.

And now, he says that seeing a 425 pound woman up on the tight rope is not only dangerous, but it looks stupid-as-shit. He remarked that the damn tight rope sags about 15 feet.

He noted that the circus had to have a special tight rope manufactured to hold Ramona's enormous weight.

A circus pundit recently wrote that if Ramona should ever fall during her act it could actually cause a 1.8 tremor on the Richter Scale.

SIDENOTE: Biff recently told his step-great-grandmother, Iona Piffer, 91, that if Ramona does not quit her circus act, and soon, he will have no choice but to divorce her fat, 425 pound ass.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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