WASHINGTON, D.C. – (Satire News) – The Vox Populi News Agency has confirmed that an early morning raid took place at the double-wide trailer of Congressman Matt “The Dirty Old Man” Gaetz.
Gaetz who has been charged with everything from jay walking to tearing off the manufacturing labels off of pillows denies any wrongdoing as 99.6% of all wrongdoers do.
The raid was carried out at 4:37 am, and agents surprised Gaetz, who reportedly was wearing Wonder Woman pajamas and a Marjorie Taylor Greene designer mask at the time.
Lead FBI “Raider” Jonathan Rilldill, III, said that he and his agents were shocked when they looked underneath Gaetz’ bed. He said that they all broke out laughing when they found 43 boxes of Girl Scout Cookies.
When Gaetz was asked to explain he simply said that he had no idea how the hell they got there.
He then said that when it comes to cookies he only eats Oreo Double Stufs.
SIDENOTE: Gaetz told VPNA’s Ichabod Fernandez that the rumors about him escaping to North Korea are simply not true, adding that he is allergic to rice.
