NUEVO LAREDO, Mexico – Mexico’s national news agency, El Ole News, confirmed that an elderly woman pitched a fit when airline employees informed her that she could not bring her emotional burro on board the Nuevo Laredo to Hong Kong flight.
The woman identified as Sofia Socorro Sonia Gomez Garza Gonzales Johnson, 87, threatened to bite both the pilot and the co-pilot on their male members.
One of the passengers said that, just as she was unzipping the pilot’s pants, a man dressed in a Green Beret uniform picked up the 5-foot-1-inch, 187-pound woman and bodyslammed her in the aisle.
She got up and started towards the co-pilot. At that point, the soldier kicked her in her vaginal area, sending her smack dab into the snack dispenser, that was directly behind the cockpit.
Three bags of Tamale Flavored Corn Chips popped out, which Septiano, her emotional burro quickly ate.
At that point, Mrs. Johnson had lost her skirt, and her granny panties were now hanging down around her ankles, exposing a sight that, sad to say, will not be easy to un-see.
A flustered nun sitting in the first row, directly behind the fracas, reached into her purse and took out a family-sized can of mace. She emptied the entire can all over Mrs. Johnson.
The burro kicked the nun in her left ear, and she fell onto the lap of a card-carrying vegetarian. He got up and the burro kicked him in his balls, causing him to scream out 17 curse words; all in Yiddish.
Finally, airport security arrived and took Mrs. Johnson, the Green Beret, the nun, the vegetarian, and the burro into custody.
Meanwhile, the plane took off 14 minutes late, with the remaining passengers all happily singing the theme song from Gilligan’s Island in Spanish.