Gilligan’s Island’s Mary Ann Dies

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Thursday, 31 December 2020

image for Gilligan’s Island’s Mary Ann Dies
Mary Ann back in Honolulu, after everyone was rescued from "Gilligan's Island."

LOS ANGELES – (Satire News) – The original ‘Queen of the Daisy Duke Short Shorts’ has passed away. And the Island of Gilligan will never be the same.

Dawn Wells (aka Mary Ann Summers) has passed away at the age of 82, going on 22.

Dawn was the dream girl of many high school and college boys during Gilligan's Island's run from 1964-1967.

In fact, the question that many male students would always ask at frat parties, tailgate parties, or marijuana parties, was “Mary Ann or Ginger?”

Guys who were studying to be scientists, lawyers, or astronauts usually chose Ginger to go to bed with, and those who were going to be teachers, mechanics, or hunting guides wanted to go to bed with Mary Ann.

A recent Quinnipinni Poll showed that 1.3% of young men actually preferred to go to bed with Mrs. Thurston Howell, III. (the Oedipus Complex?)

Mary Ann was the cute, sweet, bubbly all-American girl, who wore a crop top and short shorts; meanwhile Ginger was the gorgeous, sexy whore that lived on the rich side of town, and wore Gucci, Victoria's Secret, and Marilyn Monroe designer bikini swimsuits.

The reason why guys liked Mary Ann so much, was because she was actually 'obtainable'. She was that down-to-earth, girl-next-door that young men felt they could easily get to first base, second base, and, most probably, third base with.

Whereas Ginger was the girl guys could not even hope to get half way to first base with, unless of course you had a $50 bill or a Visa Credit Card.

RIP Dawn Wells (Mary Ann)

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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