Lindsay Lohan Says She Was Groped In Her Hotel Room

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Monday, 1 October 2012

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image for Lindsay Lohan Says She Was Groped In Her Hotel Room
Lindsay shown in her New York City hotel room watching reruns of Gilligan's Island.

NEW YORK CITY - Like a moth to a flame, trouble seems to seek out Lindsay Lohan as if she is the only celebrity in the world of LaLaLand.

Lohan, who has had two vehicular accidents, stolen a $2,500 necklace, participated in a game of Spin The Jose Cuervo Bottle with her manicurist, her hair stylist, and an unemployed dentist from Oxnard, California, is still traveling at a high rate of speed in the fast lane.

She has been given more chances than the entire female inmate population incarcerated at The Zsa Zsa Gabor Prison For Women in Los Angeles.

And now the 26-year-old celebutante is alleging that she was groped in her hotel room by a GOP congressional staffer identified as Christian "The Temper" LaBella, 25.

Lohan told Tittle Tattle Tonight's Tapioca Swizzle that she and two friends had gone drinking to several New York nightspots including The Guzzling Gnu Club, The Inebriated Kangaroo Lounge, and The Drunken Door Mouse Bar.

She said that she met LaBella at The Inebriated Kangaroo and the two danced to several songs including Demi Lovato's "Skyscraper," Lady Gaga's "Born This Way," and Camel Carl & The Desert Rag Headz' "Yo Is Just A Little Three-Letter Word For Hey."

LiLo recalled drinking about 7 or 12 Anaconda Shooters and then inviting LaBella up to her hotel room to watch reruns of her favorite show Gilligan's Island.

The next thing she remembers is waking up from a quick nap and hearing LaBella say, "Hey Ginger, it's me Gilligan, whatcha say we go down to the beach and I'll show you my coconuts."

Lohan said that she started screaming and Gilligan quickly got dressed and ran out of her $900 a day room.

SIDENOTE: When NYPD Officer Tanner F. Yankowski asked Lohan to describe LaBella she grinned and said that he was wearing a straw hat, a Hawaiian shirt, Bermuda shorts, and kept saying words like "Skipper!" "Ginger!" and "Bamboo Shoots Salad again?"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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