Written by Danyal

Friday, 17 February 2017

image for Ginger Feels Satisfaction at C = -2?

Ethan, a local ginger, felt happy for the first time in his life. During a Systems and Signals Bio-engineering class, Ethan was doing a partial fraction decomposition problem. He figured out C was equal to -2 and felt instant satisfaction.

"I was surprised at what I was feeling but it felt good" said Ethan when asked to describe his feeling. More questions need to be answered still if the feeling was actually satisfaction or not. Being a ginger, Ethan obviously has no soul. According to him, a baby once kept looking at him trying to find it to no avail. So feeling satisfaction was a completely new idea to him.

As always, there was great controversy about the occurrence of the event. When a student from Ethan's class was asked about the incident, he replied that Ethan was faking it. "There is no way a red head can feel satisfaction. I am sorry but that is the truth." Said Alex.

In order to further investigate, I approached the issue to Dylan, a psychologist and a biologist from University of Louisville. "Now the brain structure of a ginger is definitely different as seen by the phenotypic characteristic of red hair. What Ethan experienced may have been a step forward in evolution for his kind. Maybe after being around humans for so long, Ethan has started to learn about emotions, satisfaction being the one in his case." Said Dylan. Dylan recommended that Ethan note if he experiences the same emotions again.

Later on, it was pointed out that C actually equaled -3. To this Ethan replied, "Awww :(".

If Ethan actually felt satisfaction, then the value of this discovery is tremendous for gingers everywhere. If Ethan feels the same way again, I am sure he will post it on Facebook and lead a cultural movement where gingers aren't shunned. But that is a long shot and probably will never happen.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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