American Idol – And Then There Were Only 7

Written by Abel Rodriguez

Monday, 11 May 2020

image for American Idol – And Then There Were Only 7
Contestant Julia Gargoyle sang from her parents' home in the Bronx.

HOLLYWOOD – This week’s show had more tears than Nicki Minag has butt cells.

The singers all sang songs honoring their mothers on Mothers Day.

Julia Gargoyle sang an old Temptations song, “My Mama She Done Gets Me - You Know What I’m Saying?”

Judge Lionel Richie said he liked it, but noted that the glockenspiel player was a bit loud.

Articus Gunnbelt, who did not sing last week due to a sore throat, sang a song from 1960, called “Mr. Custer”.

Katy Perry, who was dressed as an African elephant, complete with an 8-foot trunk, said that she liked it, but remarked that the sound of the swishing arrows took away from the enjoyment.

Jonathan East, who is the odds-on-favorite to win, sang a song that was made popular by the Mormon Tabernacle Choir.

The song, written by Bob Dylan and Dolly Parton, was titled, “Please Don’t Tell My Main Wife About My Other Three Wives ‘Cause I’ve Kinda Grown Fond of My Testicles”.

Luke Bryan loved the song, but said that the tuba player was a little off-key towards the end of the song.

The show’s lone country singer, Dylan Milkwood, sang the old Roy Rogers and Dale Evans classic, “We Met on The Prairie and Pretty Soon I Was Kissing Her All Over Her Yippee-Ki-Yay”.

After the song ended, Katy, who was as red as a fire truck, simply said, “Daaaammmmmm! I do believe I need a shower y’all.”

British singer Othello Duzzler, did not sing because he had to attend his second cousin’s birthday party in Barnstaple, England, but the judges all agreed that, since he’s a damn good singer, they would allow him to go on to the next round.

Panchito “Francisco” Cabeza de Vaca sang a song that was very popular back in the 1950s called “Tequila.”

Luke and Katy loved it, but Lionel said that he kind of wished that he had chosen a song with more than one word in it.

And, to close out the show, Just Sam-Sam got a standing ovation when she sang the brand new Lady Gaga song, “I’m Gonna Put on a Football Uniform and I’m Gonna Kick The C-19’s Ass All The Way Back To Shanghai”.

This week's American Idol was sponsored by Diet Dr. Pepper, the NRA, and Viagra.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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