Charlize Theron Is “Shockingly Available “ And Waiting For Someone To “Step Up” And Ask Her Out On A Date - Yeah Right!

Funny story written by rfreed

Wednesday, 17 April 2019

image for Charlize Theron Is “Shockingly Available “ And Waiting For Someone To “Step Up” And Ask Her Out On A Date - Yeah Right!
Luckiest horse ever.

Charlize Theron can't find a date?

Yeah, right again! Charlize Theron, arguably the best looking woman in Hollywood, possessing only the elitest of chromosomes, worth multiple millions, and one of the finest actresses of her time, states that she can't find anyone to date her......

Yeah, RIGHT! one more time.

If Charlize Theron can't get a date with a guy, then all the rest of the women in America might as well give up. Actually, forget America, the rest of the women in THE WHOLE WORLD might as well forget about it.

If you believe she can't find a guy, then I have a bridge in Brooklyn AND another in San Francisco I want to sell you.

If you believe this hogwash, here are some other things you can believe, too:

As a sign that he will never hack again, Julian Assange will glue his fingers together with permanent contact cement.

Cher will promise never again to do another 'Final' tour.

The Red Chinese, in a move to be good neighbors and show the world their international goodwill, will destroy all the artificial islands they built out in the South China Sea.

Trump will hold a press conference, invite all sides to it, even the ones he hates, humbly admit he is not up to doing the job of being a President, and step down turning the job over to Bernie Sanders.

Melanie Trump will file for divorce, give all the alimony she would get from Donald over to rebuilding Notre-Dame and join a seclusive convent after giving vows to be a nun.

Putin will give Crimea back to the Ukraine and beg forgiveness for shooting down the Dutch airliner that flew over it, giving reparations to all the families of the deceased.

The Israelis will say “what the heck”, tear down all the walls and say to the Palestinians “Go put up a house wherever you want”.

Of course, all this hoo-doo is only click-bait for her and Seth Rogen's new movie, Long Shot, where she plays on old acquaintance who he woos and succeeds in bedding. (Yeah, right!) Want to bet that Rogen wrote this? It surely didn't come out of Theron's brain, who I am sure has better things to do with her cranial powers. Of course, she did already make a western comedy with Seth MacFarlane (creator of Family Guy) as the male lead. Maybe she only gets turned on by guys named Seth. Seth in Egyptian mythology was an evil god with an animal's head and a long, pointed snout (sounds more like her other old beau, Sean Penn). She's looking to dig her fingernails into Seth Meyers next.

Charlize can make complex movies about difficulties in the world at large. Rogen can't get his head out of the suburbs. Theron can play demanding roles of a tone and depth that can expand the viewers' understanding of people and situations. Rogen, meanwhile, will blur your consciousness in a haze of pot smoke and alcohol. Theron's themes can circle around the difficulties had by farmers, women, intermittent workers, sheep-herders, obnoxious co-superheroes, wasted, burned-out Aussie ex-cops who make a hobby out of fighting off desert punks and rockers and sci-fi allies who have hands for feet. Rogen makes movies about losers whose main goals in life are getting high, getting laid and getting in trouble. I'll let you decide who has the higher vision.

Maybe next year Theron will make a movie where she is ship-wrecked on a deserted island with Mr. Bean and they have a romantic tryst......

I would pay to see that.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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