The feeble pantomime, Bank of England and the Jolly Interest Rate, written by, produced and starring, discredited Michael Barrymore, has closed after playing for only one second in a motorway service station. Barrymore was inconsolable, but conceded tastes had changed due to Ipods, Xboxes, and nanoparticles:
'Kids can no longer concentrate on good old-fashioned economic mismanagement.'
The show opened to empty garage forecourts, and closed immediately. Frank Bruno, Keith Chegwin, a Welsh woman, and some unknowns from Emmerdale, who played the infamous interest rate advisers, the Ugly Seven, switched to the Big Brother household immediately.
The final straw came when a scene that was supposed to end with a huge explosion, a blinding flash, and the villain falling over, went wrong, and the villain actually came up smelling of roses causing a tot who had been asleep to die of fright.
'Pantos ain't like they used to be,' said distressed single mother of ten, now sadly, of nine, Theresa Gumption. 'It was too frightening. I demand full compensation for Jace, gawd bless him. He was a half wit, but even so.'
Barrymore was too distressed to comment, and left the country forever once again.