Jade gets a brain at last

Written by Jools M

Friday, 19 January 2007

image for Jade gets a brain at last
Jade calls her friends with the news

Jade Goody the ditzy halfwit made famous by stripping naked on Big Brother,has sensationally agreed to be the first person to have a brain implanted after an MRI scan following a recent fall revealed her cranial cavity to be almost completely empty.

Doctors were stunned by the discovery that her body is functioning with a brain the size of a small apricot. Pioneering Surgeon Professor R.Soles of the british neurological journal said that "although the brain appears small it is able to generate much activity which is centred largely around the area of the brain responsible movement" he added " all other areas concerned with logical reasoning language and expression seem to be completely absent, which would explain why her often rapid mouth movement is not matched with intellegible speech".

Professor Soles explained the procedure in more detail. " As miss Goody, in essence has no brain to speak of a transplant is not possible in the normal sense, so the team will implant a donor brain (via the left nostril) around the existing tiny organ in the hope tha they will fuse. as no human donors are available for this experimental procedure we will be using a Chimpanzee brain which is anatomically closest to that of miss goody, also a chimp has a vastly higher IQ than the recipient and we are interested to learn if this will have an effect on improving the recipients general intelligence"

Jade herself was delighted with the prospect of receiving a brain and commented "yeah am lookin fowad to that an that an fings like that, i fink they put it up my nose or sumfink, yea is gonna be great, its gonna be from a gorilla or summfink I fink I dunno maybe innit.

Jade goody will be on the question time panel this Thursday.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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