Lindsay Lohan Checks Herself Into Rehab

Funny story written by Jalapenoman

Thursday, 18 January 2007

image for Lindsay Lohan Checks Herself Into Rehab
The red dress, and the red carpet, will never be the same again

Actress and media personality Lindsay Lohan checked herself into a rehab program for alcohol abuse Wednesday afternoon. Lohan will be a new patient at the Wonderland Center in the Los Angeles, California area.

Last fall, Lohan was criticized by a director for her late night partying and it's effects upon her acting. In the early winter, she admitted to attending Alcoholic's Anonymous meetings and then said that she had been sober seven days.

It appears, however, that the young actress has fallen off of the wagon. All of this can be seen if one looks at her recent actions since the new year.

On New Year's Eve, she attempted to bring the Concorde out of retirement and watch the ball drop in each time zone. After starting at the International Date Line, she failed to make a plane connection a few time zones later in Tokyo, where she could not be coaxed from an airport bar because the "wanted to do a Scarlett Johanson" in those famous pink panties at the Lost in Translation Hotel.

After singing the national anthem at an NFL playoff game, the obviously drunk young lady "dropped trou" and showed the audience her panties, which had written, on the crotch, "The Dallas Cowboys Play Here."

She invited all of her friends from her A.A. meetings to a kegger at her house around the pool, then made the world's largest margarita in her hot tub.

At the Golden Globe awards, she puked on the red carpet and both Joan Rivers and her daughter. While this did cause a round of applause from everyone else in attendance, it was still in poor taste and did not smell very good. (Videos of this can be purchased for $19.95 from E channel)

During a California dog show, a preliminary to Westminster competition, she stood up in the audience and screamed that she liked to do it "doggy style."

Former First Lady Betty Ford was slightly miffed that the young actress did not check herself in to her program, choosing instead to go with a local California rehab. "I always get the Hollywood tarts, tramps, and trollops," said Ford. "Just who does she think she is?"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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