Sunday, 1 April 2018

image for Rocky the Flying Squirrel hammers away at Dr. Jackass and Mr. Hide unmercifully
What's wrong with the Apache people having a balloon launch? Tell us, big guy!

The progressive and liberal news game has become almost as bad as reality show TV. Yes, it is one long tirade after another and the worst thing about this moshpit are the sock puppet trolls who lambaste everyone who takes the day off a real job to write a story for a progressive, national magazine like Daily Kos, The Smirking Chimp, or my one-time personal favorite, opednews.com, for which I am banned for life for saying that the site looks like it was laid out in a chicken coop in Siberia.

Until I was permanently banned from opednews.com more than two years ago by Rob Kall, my livid publisher, and David Pear, my senior editor who I was berating for publishing stories right out of "Russia Today," OEN was my favorite online magazine. I learned a lot about the electronic journalism game from my publisher and good friend, Rob Kall. Pear I didn't learn a lot from, except maybe ways in which to be a tactful jerk. Well, boys will be boys...

Rob, now you deleted all 58 of my stories. What gives?

*******************

Let's get one thing straight, I never use sock-puppet names. Except here, of course. My real name is Samuel Vargo. I am not going to tell you where I live because it is none of your business and I travel around a lot on both vacations and "staycations".

What has really put a fish-hook in my watermelon of hyper-charged rhetoric and postings as of late is the fact that some sock-puppet renegade named "Rocky the Flying Squirrel" has been attacking me on Daily Kos.

I posted a big poster on Daily Kos on Monday, March 26th, on the Apaches having a hot air balloon launch after Labor Day on their rez, or at least close to it. More than 20 hot air balloons will take riders up in the clouds, for a fee, of course, and being that this shindig is being held on land owned by the Apache people since almost as long ago as God made little red strawberries, I guess it's sort of a "For Us, By Us" deal. A major face card is that it is being held by Apaches near a Native American casino. And beer will be served, for a fee, of course. What's so wrong with a young Native American man, proud to have served his country in the U.S. Air Force, going out on a date with some chick he really "digs" and the chick must have a few beers to be able to handle it all, since she's afraid of heights and can't even help her older cousins roof a house because of this emotional affliction? Must she drink herbal tea? Kool*Ade? Munch on a popsickle? Ride on a motosickle instead?

Anyhow, if you click the "Read Comments" button below the story, you will find five comments written by Rocky the Flying Squirrel. They follow, as in order, below:

* What are you trying to say? The various Apache tribes are all federally recognized. This event is at a casino in Lawton OK and is not just for Apaches or even marketed directly to Apaches. And there’s a “beer tent,” which would never be acceptable at any Apache tribally sponsored reservation events.

You seem to be a good standing Kossack who writes on Native American issues regularly (as do I). This is not a balloon festival put on for Apaches as your title implies. It’s a for profit enterprise for the general public.

I question why it’s here and what you mean about the BIA and Geronimo above. The BIA operates on every Apache reservation. And I’ve been on all of them myself.

* Just to be clear, the Apache Nations of Oklahoma are federally recognized, as are all of the other Apache Nations in Arizona, New Mexico,

* Finally, that Casino is run by the Fort Sill Apache, part of the federally recognized Chiricahua Warm Springs Apache tribal Nation.

You need to remove this diary. It’s spam that commodifies a Native American tribal identity.

* Also the “hawks and eagles” thing is just hackneyed stereotyping of generic Native American culture. When a non-Indian says stuff like that it’s like claiming the Buffalo is your “spirit animal.”

Most Indians I know have flown in airplanes.

**********************

My my my, what a nut case! Rocky, you haven't posted one diary to Daily Kos but you're now sitting on zero diaries, articles, opinion pieces of your own. DK calls them diaries. As old-school writers, we call them "opinions. Rocky, I resent the fact that you call me a non-Indian, when there is a lot of red blood on my Mother's side of the family. I bet we're a lot more red than you are, you Culture Vulture Was'iku!

And about taking that diary off Daily Kos, Rocky, well good luck with that. My Greek friend, combat vet, and bright young entrepreneur - the guy who owns DK, believes in the First Amendment so much that he might ban you himself for saying such a ludicrous thing.

The thing about the BIA is all goop on your part, too, Rocky. The Bureau of Indian Affairs was set up to keep Native Americans in a continual state of genocide and apartheid. This near senior citizen has seen a lot of ignorance in his day, but little like the total disregard for respect that you have shown me. I have deep roots in the Cherokee Nation and the Dakota Sioux Tribe on Mom's side. We know this. It's documented. Tend to your garden and stay the hell out of mine. And yes, I enjoy smoking and like to get high with the eagles and the hawks, although I haven't done so in decades. These days I am desperately trying to smoke less and enjoy life more. I smoke generic cigarettes made from tobacco. I don't know why we've made tobacco into a "sacred herb" when all it does is kill you in the end, Rocky, my enemy.

Well let's see, Lawton, Oklahoma, huh - that's Cherokee land. Right? I am sure, Rocky, that a lot of Seven Days, Mormons, Mennonites and even some Amish and Irish are going to be packing into Lawton in droves that day. You might even see me there, Rocky, you young whippersnapper. And my skin's as red as Mars, too. In the summertimes, I almost look black, in fact, and maybe it's because that yes, on Mama's side we have black blood, too. Although I'd be a hideous poser if i let you know I'm all NDN. My Daddy was Czechoslovakian and there are no Native Americans in either The Czech Republic or Slovakia. You can thank us hunkies for winning both World Wars, though. We tend to be big, crazy, full of conviction and not afraid to scream our Hoka Heys!!! in an entirely different language.

Hey Rocky, join the other side. Fox News could use a few viewers these days.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!





Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
84 readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more