In the most careless display since Manchester United lost a 12 point lead to surrender the league title to Arsenal in 1997/98, startling figures have shown that Radio 1 has lost over a million listeners in the past year. Despite such entertaining figures such as Nick Grimshaw (he who did some judging on the X-Factor. You know the one who made Simon Cowell seem appealing? The annoying one that's it!) it's listeners have "gone missing".
After a advert was placed online desperately begging for people to be on the lookout for it's audience. Soon afterward the hash tag #prayforthelostaudience was trending on Twitter.
Police have confirmed that they have received several phone calls and are in the process of establishing some promising leads to investigate. Although the sighting of the audience wandering round Dartmoor was later found to be a hoax.
The BBC have refused to acknowledge the fact that maybe, just maybe their presenters are about as easy to listen to as a malfunctioning air raid siren. While the "music" they play seems to be farted out by their speakers with little regard towards the shite their spewing out onto the streets.
Police have said that anyone who spots a "large group of disorientated people wearing cardigans" they should call them immediately. It could be Grimshaws missing breakfast audience.