Dunblane, Scotland - Dozens of bubble-wrapped bushes of the Toxicodendron radicans genus have been installed at the Scottish cathedral where tennis pro Andy Murray is marrying Kim 'Jong-Un' Sears today.
In a nod to William and Kate's own shrubby 2011 nuptials the toxic deciduous angiosperms form part of a bridal bower walkway at the mainly pre-Romanesque 11th century pile.
Local historian Dorothea Marbles explained today the plants are a light-hearted way of saying how Sears 'has been itching' to get hitched to her humorless tennis playing fiance.
"Either that or the Cathedral Verger has gone stark raving bonkers," Marbles commented, "on account of poison ivy being the Scottish Nationalists' general election emblem."
Just one scratch is said to be sufficient to cure athlete's foot.