Fashion Icon First To Be Jailed In Underweight-Gate!

Funny story written by Paul Blake

Monday, 6 April 2015

image for Fashion Icon First To Be Jailed In Underweight-Gate!
"I can't afford to lose any more tears!"

Giovanni Testarossa, 59, was the first, in what is likely to be many jailed fashion moguls-thrown into a Parisian dungeon for hiring underweight models.

On Friday, April 2nd, The French Ministry set into affect new harsh penalties for hiring fashion models who do not reach a certain body mass index level. For instance, a model who is 5'8" is required to weigh at least 121 lbs. The law is meant to send a better message to young girls around the world.

"If the girl does not meet the required measurements, under the new law, you have to legally throw her back in the water now," Detective Jirard Depardont explained with a plopping sound. Detective Depardont has been deep undercover for many months, and was directly involved in bringing down Mr. Testerossa at his spring fashion house opening on Saturday night, only a mere 24 hours after the new law had been instated.

"It was a catastrophe absolute!" cried weeping model, Anna Boniarms, who was still traumatized by the event and hated to recreate the memory of the giant fashion faux pas. "First, they pinned poor Giovanni down at the front of the stage, and then Detective Departdont kept kicking Mr. Testerossa in the testicles-very many times. Then afterwards, the Detective kept hugging all of us girls tightly, telling us he was here to save us. He's a pig. He's the one who should be arrested!" Ms. Boniarms then pleaded with us to stop making her cry. "These are tears I simply cannot afford to lose!" she said, balling into the giant sleeves her overly baggy sweater once again. "Weigh-wise, I just can't lose these tears, you understand?" she added in an apologetic snivel to clarify that she wasn't just trying to say something profoundly french.

"Who, that guy in the pink silk kimono? He was sniveling in the corner of the jail cell all night long," said fellow inmate Samuel Lablount, who was blindsided by a throng of reporters waiting outside the precinct where Mr. Testarossa was being held. "Surprisingly, not a fan of the old anal rap, I can say that much-" said a weary Mr. Lablount, who had been cited for public drunkeness and smelled heavily of urine.

Detective Depardont assured us that Mr. Testerossa is only the first in a very long line of fashion designers who will be seeing the inside of his Parisienne jail cell. "Let them all get used to anal rapings!" Exclaimed Mr. Depardont, before going deep undercover once again to crack the next case. "Where ever there is a super-skinny girl in her underwear who needs help-I will be there!" The officer assured us before rushing off to wax his moustache.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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