Doesn't that itch?

Written by Shortty

Thursday, 5 June 2014


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Vaginas. They have really stood the test of time and remain as popular today as they ever were. Possibly even more so and it's hardly surprising. Us guys don't have them, and the girls that do don't always want us to see them. This only adds to our fascination, and then we read ladies magazines and discover there are loads of different ways girls can embellish their vaginas! It's no wonder we're a bit obsessed with them.

Vaginas themselves have never gone out of fashion, but have undergone a whole range of fashions. 1970's ladies used to let them grow untended until they resembled an unkempt, elderly badger, but this was less to do with fashion than with rank laziness. I990's ladies made more effort and lads back then were dumbfounded at the stunning topiary on offer. Modern ladies get their fanny fashion tips from mags such as Bella, Take A Break and Snatch! and from TV shows such as TOWIE. The girls who star in this show go to absurd lengths to decorate their bits with something called a "Vajazzle" so it is no coincidence that they are so keen to reveal their vaginas to as many men as they possibly can.

Some hardy lasses have resorted to painfully piercing their privates, and though this was popular for a time, it has got less common since a spate of humiliating episodes, mostly concerning airport metal detectors since 9/11. This reporter's favourite fashion is the all off, the totally bald and blissfully smooth specimin, although in my experience, i have found it prudent on encountering such a one to ask the lady's age. Failure to do so has been proven to be no defence!

So while the ladies have embarked on a mindboggling array of vaginal visuals in the name of fashion, what of the lads fashion credentials? There have been scores to choose from, Skinheads, Ravers, Rockabilly's. And who can forget the Mods and the Punks fighting on Brighton beach? Sadly there seems to be only one fashion now. The hipster!

Like all fashion victims, they are all identiclone copies of each other. The skinny jeans, so tight you assume they must have jumped into them out of a second storey window. The ridiculously impractical and non-protective footwear. The obligatory vest to show off the steroid induced muscles, entirely adorned with spectacular "body art". And most offensive of all, The Beard!

Twenty something men everywhere are now sporting beards so enormous, they are being mistaken for Islamic wizards. Teenagers, recently out of school are wearing facial hair so monstrously outsized, their fathers would have declined it for fear of being charged with vagrancy.

We have seen fashions come and go in both ladies undercarriages and male grooming, so we feel we are perfectly placed to offer these words of wisdom to every young man strutting around with a preposterous bush on his face.

You look like a c**t !

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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