Written by Auntie Matter

Monday, 26 January 2015

image for Nicole Kidman and Tom Cruise to Star Again
The Book That Saved a Convent.

The film soon to be released "Blood on a White Rose" is already being forecast to clean up at next year's Oscars. It is a drama with class and style. One critic said, "If it were a painting it would be a Raphael."

The film teams up, for one more time, that electric duo Nicole Kidman and Tom Cruise. Briefly, it tells the story of a couple's search for meaning through love and art in the desolate period just after World War 11 .

Mark Cavendish has had his share of man's inhumanity to man having been a doctor in the American Air Force during the war. Sadly, his family are now all dead and he has nobody left to care for but himself. Now demobbed he gives up medicine to concentrate on his real passion in life... writing. He knows that , given a chance, he can write the great American novel. His medals for bravery mean nothing to him; he pawns them.

That's when he meets Maureen O'Houlihan. While doing research in the local library he hears her reading stories to her young students and is immediately smitten by the redhead teacher. After much inner turmoil and hesitancy he finally asks her out on a date. They have an immediate rapport.

Maureen is still picking up the pieces of a disastrous marriage to an Irish drunk who mistreated her because she was Irish like himself. Mark is her dream come true and she slowly manages to help him come to grips with his terrible past.

She is so taken with Mark's writing she insists he give up his day job in the furniture factory and concentrate on his book. She moves in with him and they get married.

Maureen is now pregnant and, like Mark, she does not wish to live in New York or bring up her child there. So, they decide to move to California. Maureen makes contact with her sister Mary who is a nun at a convent outside Los Angeles. Mary arranges for the couple to take up residence in the stylish convent apartment kept for visitors. Maureen is invited to teach the novitiates English literature and Mark is hired as the odd-jobs man.

So, Mark and Maureen settle down to a life of beauty and grace in the pastoral meadows of St. Cecilia's. Mark, his mind now at peace and happy as he has ever been making furniture for the convent or a cot and toys for his expected child, finally finishes his novel.

The convent's mounting debts however spell doom as the bank threatens foreclosure and a property developer wants to buy the property.

On the very day that their daughter Gabrielle is born Mark learns that his book is to be published. It becomes a runaway best seller. The convent is saved. It's a miracle!

Until, that is, a serial killer is hired as the gardener.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!





Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
98 readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more