Written by E. Williams

Wednesday, 7 January 2015

HOLLYWOOD - Tweeting the other day, Sylvester Stallone revealed that he will be reprising his role as "Rambo" one final time. The movie will be called "Rambo: Last Blood." Details of the project have since started slowly dripping out of Hollywood, much like the Rambo character's incontinence problem. Depends Undergarments have already secured product placement rights in the upcoming film.

In the movie, Stallone stars as an angry AARP'er who is out for vengeance after a young, whippersnapper cop fingers him for a crime he didn't commit, and we're not talking about his last prostate exam. As usual, Rambo is a badass in the film, just a little grumpier.

One scene supposedly features Rambo pulling the pin on a grenade, then forgetting he pulled the pin, and narrowly missing getting his own hand blown off. In other scene, Rambo leads an entire police department on a low-speed chase through town, never exceeding 22 mph, and barely able to see over the steering wheel. Instead of chugging raw eggs like he did in Rocky, Stallone guzzles Geritol and Centrum Silver by the bottle in Last Blood.

The movie does have a happy ending though, with Rambo and his love interest sitting in separate bathtubs next to each other on a bluff, holding hands, watching the sunset - compliments of Cialis.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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