Lindsay Lohan Turning Into A Rehab Mess

Written by Abel Rodriguez

Friday, 12 July 2013

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A rehab clinic staff member says that Lindsay spends a lot of time putting her lipstick imprints on her bathroom mirror.

LOS ANGELES - One of Lindsay Lohan's fellow rehab clinic patients has just stated that she really fears for the health of the freckle-faced actress.

The patient who spoke on grounds of anonymity told Bedroom Pillow Talk's Vodka Vermicelli that Lindsay is starting to hallucinate (without drugs).

The unnamed patient, who did not want to use her real name but said to use the fake name Cinderella, conveyed that Lohan is seeing visions of the manly Moose Mama AKA Sarah Palin.

Lindsay says that in her visions the Old Tundra Troll keeps winking at her and whispering that she is going to give her geography lessons in the nude.

Cinderella stressed that she has not really seen Lindsay exhibit any lesbionic tendencies other than one night when Lohan passionately French kissed her after the two had finished watching an episode of Duck Dynasty.

Lindsay has told several patients and staff members that she is much too pretty, too sexy, and too intelligent to be stuck in a place for the unsettled.

The Hollywood starlet has said that she has written letters to President Obama, Vice-President Biden, and even Russian President Putin and none of them have bothered to reply to her letter of distress.

SIDENOTE: Cinderella stated that Lindsay confessed to her that when she gets out of the rehab clinic she is going to find a nice, quiet, rich girlfriend and try hard-as-hell to settle down.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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