Jolie breasts vow comeback after split

Funny story written by Simon Cockle

Monday, 20 May 2013


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Angelina Jolie's breasts, removed in a double mastectomy when the American actress tried to beat the threat of cancer, have vowed to remain in the film industry despite the painful break-up last week. Both breasts claimed to have been inundated with offers and are said to be 'pursuing their own projects' at Cannes.

Jolie's left breast is currently developing a script with Ryan Gosling about the split. 'I find I have the freedom now to do new things,' it said at a press conference last night. 'I always felt restrained and, mostly, hidden away.' The right breast is tipped to star in George Clooney's remake of Stephen King's 'The Tommyknockers'. Both have been mooted as appearing with Jolie in a remake of 'Mother, Jugs and Speed'.

Cutler B. Ninny-Whisper, Jolie's agent, said 'Angelina has been dealing with a huge amount of stress and anxiety lately. She's just relieved to get everything off her chest.'

This isn't the first time that film stars have shed body parts who in turn enjoyed film careers of their own. Anjelica Huston's nose fell off and cropped up in the long running Police Academy series as Detective Hooter, Errol Flynn's penis appeared in 'Howard's End' and Tom Cruise was in 'Jack Reacher'.

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The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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