Justin Bieber song brings woman back from dead

Funny story written by EyeKnowRight

Friday, 30 November 2012


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Margaret Wilson en route to the Hospital

Apparently cats aren't the only ones with nine lives.

A woman in Kansas is lucky to be alive after dying eight times, and credits Justin Bieber for bringing her back.

Marlene Wilson, 44, of Great Bend, Kansas, had been cleaning a hunting rifle when she accidentally shot herself in the chest. Her sixteen-year-old daughter, Bobbie Sue, heard the gunshot and immediately called 911.

"I just kept tellin' Momma that she couldn't die today," said Bobbie Sue. "I made her pinky promise me she wouldn't die."

It appears Wilson is a woman of her word. She died numerous times during the short ride to nearby Mercy East Hospital in Lincolnshire.

After Wilson's incredible eighth time dying, paramedics once again administered life-saving techniques, including CPR and cardioversion shock therapy. The treatments did nothing.

"I thought surer than shit Momma was a goner," said Shaw.

But ambulance technician Brian Stoddard wasn't about to let that happen. Without even thinking about it Stoddard pulled out his cell phone and commanded the phone's digital personal assistant, Siri, to play Justin Bieber music.

"I don't know what made me do it," said Stoddard. "It's almost like I was possessed by Justin himself and he wanted me to save this woman."

Whatever the reason, the move worked.

Astonishingly, as soon as the main verse of Bieber's hit song "Boyfriend" filled the ambulance, Wilson's heart immediately began beating again and she quickly regained consciousness.

"She just woke up and smiled," said Stoddard. "I'd never seen anything like it in my life."

Wilson was kept in the intensive care unit at Mercy East for two days and was released Thursday evening. She is expected to make a full recovery.

"I just wish I could thank Justin for giving me another chance at life," said Wilson. "He really is my guardian angel."

Hospital officials said while the incident is certainly amazing, it is not entirely unheard of.

"We've had numerous experiences where certain songs, for whatever reason, affected a patient's body," said George Bryant, head neurosurgeon at Mercy East.

Bryant said doctors played "Call Me Maybe" for a comatose patient in July, causing the person to die instantly.

"We realized that playing anything by Carly Rae Jepsen was probably not a good idea," he said.

Bieber received word of the incident via Twitter and released the following statement through his publicist:

"I've always known my music was pretty powerful and this just shows that God really does work in mysterious ways, using my music to heal people and bring them back from the dead. I'm so thankful my work could be used to give Ms. Wilson a second (or ninth) chance at life. I will continue spreading God's message of love and healing and ask my loving fans to continue BELIEVING. God bless."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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