Jeremy Irons Is '3 Midgets'!

Funny story written by Chris Mac

Tuesday, 10 July 2012

In an astonishing new book it is claimed the British actor Jeremy Irons is in fact three midgets stood on one another's shoulders!

In the book 'The Truth About Jeremy' , former Hollywood producer Max Griffin claims that three former circus acrobats all suffering from growth hormone deficiency or dwarfism, forged the idea of joining forces to become a single actor, namely Jeremy Irons.

The dwarves are Albert Averyanov, Vladimir Yelevin and Petingo Hubbert. All had been with the Moscow State Circus since childhood, Averyanov and Yelevin were both Russian, Hubbert was Polish.

It was Yelevin who dreamed up the idea, and after finally convincing the other two that the plan could work, they first set off to London, England, where Yelevin , who made up the head and shoulders of Irons, learned English and took elocution lessons in order to perfect their actor's dulcet English accent.

The three then perfected 'being as one', training to walk elegantly, with Hubbert being the legs, and Averynov making up the midrift. Together they stood 6 feet one inches tall.

So convincing were they that they soon started winning parts in theatre productions and then eventually the TV adaptation of Brideshead Revisited as Charles Ryder.

None of the rest of the cast or crew on Brideshead had a clue that Irons was three ingenious little men from Eastern Europe, with the exception of co-star Anthony Andrews who was once rumoured to have said 'Only Irons can expose himself or themselves'. Andrews allegedly caught sight of the blinking eyes of Averynov peeping through a small gap in Irons shirt whilst filming.

On another occasion catastrophe almost occurred when at an awards ceremony in London, Hubbert lost his balance and the three nearly came tumbling over on live TV. Onlookers and millions of TV viewers were bewildered as it was seen that 'Jeremy Irons appeared to be falling apart' in front of their eyes, as he went to collect an award.

The author of the book also claims that Iron's first wife had a breakdown after discovering 'three midgets in her bed'. She was reported to have later said 'My whole world has been turned upside down, finding that the man you love is in fact three men.'

Irons has said the claims are complete nonsense.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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