Woody Allen Propositions Lindsay Lohan With Contract She Can't Refuse - Adopting Her Rather Than Giving Her the Hoped for Movie Contract

Funny story written by NerdInBriefs

Sunday, 6 May 2012


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Oscar-winning writer and director, Woody Allen held talks last night with Lindsay Lohan, after she posted a twitter post asking for advice about her forthcoming film Liz and Dick, which looks at the life of Elizabeth Taylor. However US news editors this morning woke up to the fact that their showbiz reporters had prematurely written their copy and misjudged what actually happened to Hollywood's most notorious child star in her meeting where she signed her life away. Meanwhile Lohan faced a new life as part of the Jazz loving, over analytical Allen clan.

Allen speaking through Variety newspaper has said he hopes this is ther start of a movement to stop the rot in Hollywood and end the exploitation of child stars, and gave thanks to his lawyer for the water tight contract. Child Welfare groups hope other older actor and directors will get out their pens and do similar things.

Last night began innocently for Lohan. Tipped off by Lohan's mother, the paparazzi waited as a beaming Lohan was photographed entering Phlippe Chow restaurant in New York. Lohan and her mum felt that being photographed so publicly with the celebrated director was guaranteed to show the critics that she was finally being taken seriously, in spite of her reputation as Hollywood's wild child and bad news for box-office figures.

The Oscar-winning writer and director, 76, and his wife Soon-Yi, 41, entered the restaurant soon after, carrying documents and followed in tow by their lawyers. Reporters outside immediately phoned back to their desks, filing the story that Allen was set to offer Lohan a lucrative contract on his next film, having already secured the pictures to accompany the news story.

Four hours later an ashen faced Lohan left the restaurant crying, with Allen following minutes later, waving a piece of paper to the cameras saying 'he was proud to be welcoming Lohon into the family'. Cruz had similarly described working with Allen on set of Vicky, Christina Barcelona, as being part of the Allen family and so they speculated that she was going to be a similar juicy role in his next project. The media wrongly put Lohan's tears down to having had too much to drink and the emotions from the occasion.

TV stations reported this morning that in fact Lohan had been pressurized by Allen to sign papers, which she presumed by the title of the document Legal Guardian, was the secret name of his forthcoming project.

The terms and conditions of the contract are not clear, but Lohan is expected to be issued with an order to move into the Allen household within the next few days. As for her film career, Allen has made it clear that he prefers his children and guardians to be studious and not involved in the sleazy film industry where they can be preyed upon by older predators.

Lohan's mum Dina, has gone on Good Morning America, threatening to sue the Allen clan, saying that she was about to sell her daughter to a Saudi and he'd better give her some serious cash, as she had built her up into the commodity she was today.

This week, Lohan is also expected to go back to her natural red head, another term and condition of the contract, before being enrolled back in school to catch up on her education which Allen feels is vital for any new daughter of his.

Al-Jazeera has reported how there may be problems ahead for Allen, as the Saudi prince who was promised Logan as one of his, has asked for the Crown Prince of the Kingdom to lodge a complaint to the US government to release Lohan from a lifetime of bondage and slavery to the Hollywood industry.

Meanwhile, Soon-Yi was spotted buying new clothes for Lohan from Baby Gap, as well as stocking up on books on how to manage adult adoption as well as Allen's back catalogue of films, which she will be expected to watch in order to know more about her new dad.

Allen decision was based on him being increasingly worried about his wife's loneliness, and that with his increasing workload due to his Oscar success, he was not able to be at home as much. Adopting Lohan was a golden opportunity to give his wife someone to look after.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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