Derek Hough Says That His New Sexy Gal Pal Lauren Conrad Is Definitely A Collector's Item

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Monday, 3 October 2011


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image for Derek Hough Says That His New Sexy Gal Pal Lauren Conrad Is Definitely A Collector's Item
A pet bird named Cha Cha Cha that Derek gave to Lauren on their one month anniversary.

HOLLYWOOD HILLS - One of the stars of Dancing With The Stars has certainly got some stars in his eyes as evidenced by the fact that the "Dancing Dude" is doing the quick step on Cloud 9 with his new girlfriend Lauren Conrad.

Derek earlier this year dumped his British girlfriend Cheryl Cole because none of his family or friends could understand a single word that the Geordie accented Cole was saying.

Hough said that it was really embarrassing when they would go out to eat and Cheryl would order a Reuben Sandwich and the waitress would bring her an order of Chicken Enchiladas.

He laughed and said that one time when they were at a Burger Bandit in Venice Beach Cheryl ordered a Bandit Cheeseburger and the counter employee told her that it was a burger joint and if she really wanted Fettuccine Alfredo she would have to go down four blocks to The Shaped Like A Boot Italian Restaurant.

Derek recently spoke with Ersatz Pontoon a reporter for Hollywood Hors D'oeuvres and told him that he hasn't been as happy as he is now since the time back in high school when he accidentally caught two of his sister Julianne Hough's high school friends in the family's upstairs shower.

Hough said that Lauren Conrad who starred on The Hills is erotically sexy and is truly a collector's item.

Derek smiley coyly as he remarked that Lauren is perfect in so many ways that Cheryl Cole wasn't. He added that for one thing, she knows how to cook refried hot dogs, sweet and sour tilapia, and his favorite chicken fried tamales.

He also added that although she is not as good a dancer as Cole was she more than makes up for it with her unbridled sexuality. He remarked that they had recently gone to West Hollywood's Salsa Land Ballroom and they danced so much that Lauren actually wore down the heels of her high heel shoes by an inch and a half.

Derek confessed that he had never enjoyed twirling a girl up over his head as much as he did her. And he quipped that it wasn't just because Lauren was not wearing any underwear either.

Lauren meanwhile says that the thing she likes the most about Derek is the fact that he admits that he is not a natural blond, he enjoys getting spray suntanned every day, and he knows more euphemisms for the female vagina than any other guy that she has ever known.

Lauren recently broke up after a long relationship with fellow actor Kyle Howard, whom hardly anyone has heard of, except for her, Derek, hair stylist Mr. Tabby of Topanga Canyon, and retired talk show host Larry King.

In political news. Michelle Obama is denying the rumor that White House maid Shantel Shackleford caught her mom (Marian Shields Robinson) and Janet Napolitano planking in the White House's Ronald Reagan Reading Room.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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