Entrepreneur/Philanthropist Reaches Out to a Despondent Porn Star

Funny story written by NWNewsmash

Sunday, 19 December 2010

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Jack Star in 'Leaving My Buddies' Behind'

For Oliver Ebby, President of Brand Services - United (BS-U), compassion struck as he listening to Marketspace, the syndicated financial news hour.

"A feature story on BS-U was followed by a piece on AIDS in the porn film industry. There was Michael Rank, my favorite porn actor, saying 'people don't want to see condoms in adult films.' Now that's sad! No one should sacrifice their health to do their job.

"When I reached Mike Rank through his agent I knew exactly what to say: 'Mike, most people only see you as a porn star. I see you as a porn star with a massive, throbbing blank billboard between your legs! Let's have some fun with this - let's get a condom on that thing, covered with logos and ad copy! There are a lot of ways to go here, from single sponsor co-branding to multiple logo placements.'"

While Mr.Ebby refused to disclose details, research revealed that Ebby has purchased the rights to remake Talledega Nights, signed marketing agreements with Trojan Brands, purchased the retired brand names Handy Wrap and Jiffy Pop, is in negotiations with Gene Simmons of the band KISS, and is in sponsorship talks with In 'n 'Out Burger and the American Trial Lawyers Association.

"Will this work? Who knows? Said Professor Johnson Glanz of the Anderson School of Business. "If this concept really takes off, we may soon be referring to the "5 P's of Marketing -- Product,Price, Promotion, Placement,...and Porn."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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