For many years, travelers in movies have been attacked when stopping for gasoline at remote stations. These stops in Texas, New Mexico, and other western states have been portrayed in slasher films for years and have given the locals a bad name.
The American Automotive Group and the National Transportation Safety Board have issued a list of tips to keep travelers safe on lonely roads.
The main focus of this is "look like a local or a native." Local people never get killed by the slasher, and just blend into the colorful background, so appearing to be normal should make you safe.
To accomplish this, the following is recommended:
- When you go inside, buy a Coke, a package of pork rinds, and a slim jim. If it is breakfast time, make it a Coke, a package of powdered donuts, and a Snickers bar.
- If you need to use the restroom, ask for the key to the "pisser" or the "shitter." Never ask for "the location of the loo" as this is an easy way to get killed.
- Never get out your camera and take pictures of anything or anybody. This marks you as a tourist.
- Never ask for directions. Locals know where everything is.
- Buy Evian water or rice cakes and you are dead meat.
- Ask the guy at the counter "you seen Bubba today?" If his nametag says Bubba, ask if he's seen Slim. This gives the impression that you belong.
- Don't have your car rental papers sticking out of your shirt pocket.
- Wear a baseball cap when you go in. Make sure it mentions NASCAR, fishing, or says "Git 'er Done."
- Don't wear one of those stupid dingleberry (or whatever kind of berry it is) things in your ear and make it look like you are talking to yourself. Real weirdos talk to themselves without those things.
- Fart, belch, and scratch when you walk in the door. Dig your underwear out of your crack when looking at the candy bars.
Follow these simple procedures and you should be safe.
