Viagra's new marketing icon: Charles Lindbergh

Funny story written by Chief Cheese

Wednesday, 16 November 2005

image for Viagra's new marketing icon: Charles Lindbergh
To my dearest Anais: I often think of you. It always works.-Charles

New York. Madison Avenue is working overtime to counter the negative press recently associated with the use of Viagra, the darling drug of Pfizer. Although it is considered to be risky, Pfizer's advertising firm, Scaley LLC, has chosen a dead celebrity, Charles Lindbergh, to be the new marketing icon for Viagra.

"We're fed up with the likes of Rafael Palmeiro, let me tell you. And the "horny" guy who gets his wife to go in to the lingerie store?-totally boring." said Bob Laub, the Scaley account executive for Pfizer. "We fired Bob Dole too. No one believed he could get it up. Focus groups proved that.

"And Let me tell you-there really isn't anything out of the ordinary using a dead guy or a historical icon. Trojan is a perfect example. They're not talking about USC, OK? Caesar's in Vegas. He isn't around any more. Taj Mahal-now there's a great icon. Why Donald Trump named a casino after a washed-up blues artist is beyond me…but hey-he's not a client."

Laub went on. "What we intend to drill in to the brain of the 50-something, balding, beer-bellied, impotent American male psyche is that if Charles Lindbergh were around today, he'd use Viagra. In reality, he probably wouldn't have to-as it turns out-but even 30 years after his death, these old guys still look up to him. Just the kind of old guys we're trying to reach."

"Back in 1927, Lindbergh kept it up for over 33 hours, like his life depended on it," said Laub. "And really, it did. Once he took off from New Jersey he couldn't very well land. There was nothing but ocean and icebergs. So he flew 33 hours straight. It took that long to fly to Paris. No one had ever done it before so no one knew how long it would take, OK? And we think that's a nice double-entendre-one that most 50-something, balding, beer-bellied, impotent American Males will understand," said Laub.

"The back-story of Lindbergh's 1927 flight is truly fascinating," said Emil Grandnez, a graduate student in History at the University of Paris in Paris. "My research has shown that Monsieur Lindbergh was, in reality, desperate to get to Paris to carry on his affair with Anais Nin, with whom he'd been corresponding via a series of erotic telegrams. In fact I found the following telegram from Nin to Lindbergh in the archives of the Le bureau de Poste et de télégrammes in Paris," said Grandnez. "My dearest Charles…throughout the night, I am awake during a dream…stop. You are there, stop. My body voided, no thoughts stop. Except I become part of you, stop. To dream, to breathe, stop. My neuroses lights the night sky as a beacon for you as you sweep upon me, alight. Stop."

"I can see why he was so anxious to meet up with her. I saw a picture of his wife, too, which may have something to do with it," said Grandnez.

"It's recently come to be known that Lindbergh was off siring children way in to his mid- 50's," said Laub. "Servicing three separate mistresses in Germany-producing 7 children-while remaining married to his American wife-with whom he had 6 children. If that doesn't spell VIAGRA I don't know what does."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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