Small bird indicted in Plame leak investigation

Funny story written by Jack Loftus

Monday, 17 October 2005


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image for Small bird indicted in Plame leak investigation
This bird ain't singin'

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Immediately following the New York Times mega-piece on formerly imprisoned Times reporter Judith Miller, a small unnamed North American fowl was indicted by federal authorities for its role in the Valerie Plame CIA leak case.

The news was the first major development in a case that is expected to reach high into the offices of the vice president and possibly President George W. Bush. However, the indictment of this feathered fiend was not forseen by any analyst of political expert contacted by The Spoof.

While the age and sex of the bird was not released, it was confirmed by sources close to the investigation that the bird is an avian water fowl, possibly a seagull or even a member of the order Ciconiiformes, which have long legs and necks and include storks, herons, and ibises.

An anonymous source within Miller's legal camp was quoted earlier today as saying that the winged traitor became the focus of independent prosecutor Patrick Fitzgerald after Miller, during a second appearance before the federal grand jury, said she "couldn't recall" which high ranking White House official had first given her the name of Ambassador Joe Wilson's wife, who was later discovered to be a CIA agent working on WMD's.

However, after further grilling from the grand jury and a second look at her notes, Miller said that she could recall that "a little bird told [her]" that Plame was an undercover CIA agent.

Upon receiving the tip, federal authorities promptly arrested or detained every bird in the capital. It was during the course of several interrogations with these avian suspects that the "little bird" in question was detained.

Several celebrity birds were caught up in the crossfire today as the federal dragnet played no favorites in who it detained in handcuffs and shackles. Sesame Street's Big Bird and environmentalist Woodsy the Owl were detained and released, while Kellogg's spokesbird Toucan Sam was netted as he filmed a cereal commercial on K Street.

Toucan Sam was also released, but said in a press conference that he held no ill will towards the authorities.

"We live in a different time these days. I do not feel as though I was profiled in any way, and believe that if I, as a bird, must sacrifice a few minutes out of my day so that the right bird is brought to justice, then so be it," Sam said.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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