NY Stock Exchange Podium Deserted at Close

Funny story written by BillBritton

Sunday, 1 August 2010

image for NY Stock Exchange Podium Deserted at Close
Jolie bails out of NYSE showing

Confusion reigned on Wall Street when New York Stock Exchange (NYSE) CEO Duncan L. Niederauer could not be reached for comment after no one mounted the stock exchange podium to ring the closing bell on Wednesday. This tradition, complete with celebrity guests, has become a media event for companies that wish to highlight their successes in the marketplace.

After a delay of 20 minutes, custodian Emil Fosdick was seen being pushed onto the podium by armed security guards, screaming, "Why me? Why me?" Fosdick finally struck the bell with a toilet brush, much to the relief of floor traders, several of whom had smashed their Blackberries in frustration.

NYSE Vice President Joseph Mecane expressed dismay at the embarrassment: "I had Angelina Jolie lined up to join executives from General Motors on the podium, but their corporate jet was repossessed minutes before boarding the plane in Detroit. Then we asked the Revlon people to fill in, but they refused, seeing that Jolie had a contract with Shiseido Cosmetics."

Jim Cramer of CNBC's "Mad Money" said on his Thursday program that investors should not be alarmed. He also reiterated his earlier recommendation to buy Bear Stearns stock. When reminded that Bear Stearns suffered huge losses and was now a part of JP Morgan Chase, Cramer replied, "I never meant that Bear Stearns. I was referring to a toy company in China."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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