Michael Jackson To Enter Drinks Market

Funny story written by Marcus De Winterbottom

Friday, 22 July 2005


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Jacson At A Recent

Michael Jackson plans to produce and sell his own brand of Jesus juice. The product ,aimed at 10-14 year old boys, will be available from Grocery Stores and Sex Shops at the start of next year and will come in 500ml cans marked "Sprite" And "Pepsi" . It will be sold for around 25P per can. With all profits going to pay for Jackson's defence lawyers new beach hut in Malibu. An aide of Jackson said that the Singer "felt it was time to give something back to the young children that had given him so much enjoyment throughout his life".

The drink is believed to be a secret recipe that has been passed down through generations of the Jackson family and is thought to contain a mysterious ingredient known only by the code name "knockemout".

A huge marketing strategy is also being planned with special discounts being given to members of NAMBLA and other minority groups and will be promoted with the slogan "Jesus Juice....The Drink To Make Em Loose!"

Mary Scrotal a life long fan of the singer was quoted as saying:
"This is a wonderful treat for all Michaels fans and I'm hoping to be one of the lucky hundred winners of the "Win A Dream Holiday To Neverland" promotion he will be running when the drink is unleashed upon the public."

Meanwhile pressure groups from both sides of the Atlantic have condemned the singers plans Mr. Hugh Feelam of the anti Jackson group FAJJ (Families Against Jesus Juice) was quoted as saying "Children today do not need to be plied with booze by Mr Jackson as they are quite capable of doing it themselves."

Whatever the public may think orders for the beverage are coming in thick and fast and as we were told by Raymond De Hildo an Adult Products Store owner "Michael may not know it but he has made the greatest contribution to the sex industry in years. I myself have put in orders for over 3000 cans and my fellow storekeepers are clearing out there stock rooms ready for the drinks release"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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