Michael Jackson to undergo experimental surgery

Funny story written by cthomson

Monday, 11 July 2005

Michael Jackson will soon realise his dream. This weekend he will go into the operating room and be the first to undergo a revolutionary, controversial, and not to mention amazing surgery.
"Ever since I hit puberty, I've been dreaming about this," said Michael, in his typical soft effeminate voice. "This is my chance, I won't let it go."

Plastic surgeon, Mel Myers, MD, will head up the operation which will involve over thirty hours of gut-wrenching cutting, sewing, sawing, suturing, plastering, etc. "He'll spend close to a month in a full body cast after the surgery is over," said "The Doc", as Michael refers to him. "Then there'll be close to a year of physiotherapy. Plus his immune system will be in need of repair after being on anti-rejection meds because of all the transplantation involved."

"My heart goes out to the families of the children who donated their bodies to science," said Michael in an emotional, at times tearful statement.

"Michael is one of many trans-age people; he is a child trapped in the body of an adult," said Dr. Myers. "With this surgery we will shorten and make narrower all the bones in his body and replace his internal organs with ones donated from children. He's lucky to have such a thick skull, because we can make his head significantly smaller without removing any neural tissue. His eyes, nose, and mouth, may end up being disproportionately large, but that will make him all the more adorable. Actually I take that back about the nose, it's too small as it is. And we'll have to permanentely wax off his facial hair and transplant some peach-fuzz to his upper lip of his buttocks."

"Now no one will be able to get on my case about sleepovers," said Michael. "I'll just be one of the boys. And boys will be boys."

According to some rumours, Jackson is planning on purchasing a forged and easily alterable birth certificate which will make him officially twelve years old. Forever.

"My siblings will finally call be Mikey again. I'm thinking about getting into TV advertising. Maybe I'll advertise good-nites, you know, the diapers for pre-teens who still wet the bed sometimes," said Michael, mustering a fair amount of excitedness.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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