Virgin's Branson Announces Plans for Private Spaceflight

Funny story written by Morgan Truce

Monday, 27 September 2004

image for Virgin's Branson Announces Plans for Private Spaceflight
Sir Richard Branson: Virgin Space Pioneer

Sir Richard Branson announced that he would launch "Virgin Galactic"-an effort to build five space ships that will fly as high as 80 miles above earth. With seating for 5 passengers and a flight time of 3 hours, Sir Branson has hit upon a really terrific plan for wasting huge amounts of fuel and resources for those people capable of ponying up the expected $200,000 airfare.

At Virgin corporate headquarters, the switchboard lit up soon after the announcement.

Paris Hilton phoned in and asked if passengers would be allowed to do anything they wanted during the 3-hour flight. She then bought a pair of tickets and a new video camcorder. "I hope to be the first person to make love in spaceā€¦"

Madonna phoned wanting to know if only virgins would be considered for the galactic space flights. When told of the company policy, she decided she would buy a ticket under her new identity of the week. It is rumored that Madonna is considering becoming a virgin once again and is looking for a surgeon who is up to the task.

Michael Moore was told that he would be required to purchase two tickets if he wanted to be lifted into space. "I think that is very unfair," said Mr. Moore, "I'm going to film a documentary on all the unfair treatment that large people are subjected to in space travel.

A Spoof reporter asked Sir Branson if he would be on the first flight. "Oh, heavens no! It's much too dangerous for me. I barely got out of that balloon thing alive. Besides, I've got so many things going on right now with this space thing, and I'm also getting into online music. Virgin's "Digital Megastore" is going to give Apple a run for its money. Next week I'm going to be announcing a cure for a very well known fatal disease. Later in the month our Virgin Airlines will begin flights from the North Pole to the South Pole. Life has been very exciting for me. I want to be the first man to circle the earth on a pogo stick.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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