Written by queen mudder

Thursday, 30 October 2008

image for Chevron posts $20bn third quarter profit, stalks ConocoPhilips takeover
Chevron Oil poised to swoop on ConocoPhillips in a giant $500 billion merger in early 2009

San Ramon, Ca - (Ass Mess): Chevron, the world's third largest hydrocarbons supermajor, has posted a $20 billion third-quarter profit and is poised to swoop on ConocoPhillips in a $500 billion merger to be announced in the New Year.

2008 profits at the Bollinger Boulevard, San Ramon-based energy giant have soared to the point that it now dwarfs UK's oil giant BP, knocking it into fourth place in the global supermajors league table.

Persistent market rumors abound that a long time energy partner, connecting both the Abu Dhabi Sovereign Wealth Fund and its Brunei counterpart, is about to licence Chevron with sole agency rights over a massively secret, untapped but proven 900 billion barrel crude field 'somewhere on the Florida/Texas border'.

Eat yer heart our ExxonMobil!

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Chevron

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