Washington DC - (Prince William Sound Mess): "My clients fear the humiliation of being swallowed up by the mighty Chevron Corp if the $2.5billion Prince William Sound fine goes through," attorneys for Exxon-Mobil moaned at Supreme Court appeal judges yesterday.
The oil giant is in cranky mood despite already succeeding in slashing the original $5billion damages fine for its record-smashing Alaskan pollution atrocity.
This week's Supreme Court appeal has seen Bush-appointee and Exxon-Mobil stockholder Justice Samuel Alito sidelined in the procedure.
Exxon-Mobil's aims to slash Alaskans' compensation from around $75,000 per head to approximately $30,000 have been slammed as "peanuts - and a derisory, shameful abrogation of legal ruling", according to aggrieved Juneau resident Erik 'Gnarly Erik' Gnarlyssen.
Meanwhile Off-the-Wall Street analysts on the Dow Jones Industrial Average Index are said to be gobsmacked at the vast, largely private shareholder resources available to the Chevron Corporation.
"We thought it was a spoof - a joke even," one ashen-faced Dow source said today.
"But it really seems to be true: Chevron interests could buy out Exxon-Mobil from their petty cash.
"That could be the GOP's ultimate nightmare scenario."
Condosleezza Rice is to be fitted with a pacemaker.
