Written by ScottThe Dot

Friday, 25 April 2008

image for Charlie Bucket struggles to hit Q1 targets at Wonka Chocolate
Oompa Ovaries were another recent flop for the company

Charlie Bucket, the recently installed CEO of Wonka Chocolate has today been criticised for his handling of the company which has led to Q1 profit warnings being issued.

The 13-year old has struggled to keep his shareholders happy by refusing to consider outsourcing, horizontal diversification or further share issues to bolster the volatile share price.

'I really like chocolate', enthused Charlie at a press conference today. 'It is yummy'.

The previous CEO had been criticised for his decision to hand over the factory to the young schoolboy. The Board of Directors have made no secret about their desire to install Gerald Wiesenberg a 40 year-old Harvard MBA to replace Mr Bucket, however Charlie is the only one with the front door keys.

Wiesenberg, senior financial analyst for Wonka Chocolate said. 'I am right behind our current CEO and he has my full support' before laughing maniacally and clasping his hands together in glee.

Charlie Bucket has proposed several measures to help the ailing company including chocolate flavoured broccoli and chocolate flavour share certificates.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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