AMSTERDAM, Netherlands – (Satire News) – Prime Minister Mark Rutte wants the people of the Netherlands to know that he hears them, and that he will be cracking down on the tremendous amount of illegal aliens entering the Netherlands. The prime min…
A man whose wife woke up in an inexplicably good mood this morning, before going to the market in the town, is in high spirits this evening, as he looks forward to tucking into the sweet treat that she bought him there. Moys Kenwood, 57, gave his…
Snickers, the US chocolate bar that, until July 1990, was sold in the UK under the brand name Marathon, is to revert back to its more popular traditional name, because people think Snickers sounds daft. Snickers were introduced in the United State...
A man whose wife made him a mug of hot drinking chocolate before bedtime tonight, didn't drink it immediately, got involved in some other activities, and ended up having to quoff the lot sharpish, before it was so cold that it would have given him wi...
It's been run every year since 1981, and is one of the most popular 'public competitor' events in the world, but from next year, 2020, the London Marathon is to undergo a massive identity transplant - it will be known as the London Snickers. The n...
A new food guide for better health has come out recently, replacing the old pyramid-shaped one which suggested X-number of dairy, fruit, vegetables, meat and poultry. Sensing that the people of planet Earth are getting round and doughy, the new gu...
News has just reached The Spoof that a man who believes that chocolate biscuits are the best thing since sliced bread - possibly even before that - has opened a brand new 300gram pack of McVitie's Plain Chocolate Digestive biscuits "in the last few d...
Giant chocolate producers, Mars (not on Mars), have finally convinced the world that the world is flat, and in honor of this great discovery, they have decided to issue a 'flat' version of Brits favorite 'round' choco snack, Maltesers! There were...
Beijing, China - Americans love their fortune cookies and consume nearly three billion fortune cookies each year. Americans who eat at Chinese restaurants typically read their fortunes aloud at the end of their meals. But citizens of China have n...
Stodgy treacle puddings lashed with sugar-ridden custard, fatty meat, gravy, over-cooked tasteless vegetables, fried egg and bacon breakfasts with sugar-dosed cereals, and other hospital delicacies, are more healthy claim UK hospitals than chocolate!...
Following a deluge of bad PR stories, it now appears that a popular nutty chocolate spread is explosive. Nineteen people in the US and 4 in the UK have spontaneously combusted after eating the sickly product. Big-Narstie, the corporation whic...
Bitcoin is now edible and selling like hot cakes. Bitcoin is an Internet currency sensation worth $1000 per Bitcoin. It can now be converted into little bits of gold plated chocolate coins. "Each Bitcoin is worth ten chocolate bits, which are...
A man who ate doughnuts before having lunch has appeared before Bolton Crown Court to be sentenced. Twisted Luke Smith, of Sharnford Close, Bolton, indulged in the sugary delights on Friday 15th May 2015 just before lunch time. The 21-year-old...
A former council worker who did not eat a chocolate bar quickly enough on a very hot day, leaving it completely melted, has been jailed for 11 years. Under the extended sentence for chocolate product protection, Joey Smith will have to serve two-t...
A lorry driver has been jailed for smuggling chocolate bars through the Port of Dover. Richard Langford, 31, was caught with a staggering 5,000 kilos of Dairy Milk, 1,000 kilos of Galaxy and 3,000 U.S. Hershey's chocolate bars when he was stopped...
The team behind resurrecting Audrey Hepburn for a recent TV commercial now admit they may have got it horribly wrong. The advert was a milestone in special effects and Audrey's face was recreated using computer graphics (CG). Using FACS (facial...
Top health officials have issued a warning to people not to put Toblerones in a fridge. They state that when the triangular chocolate bar becomes cold and hard it can become a "lethal weapon capable of damaging members of the public and even buildin...
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