Youngstown, Ohio (Pisan Enthusiast Quarterly) - A mafia crackdown in this northeastern Ohio community has reduced La Cosa Nostra to running 'government cheese' rings in order to eke out a living.
Notorious crime boss, Tony "The Wobble" Pernicano, can now be found peddling blocks of yellow cheese at the local street corner every morning between the hours of eight and four.
"I enjoy what I do now," began Pernicano -- once listed on the FBI's 'Ten Most Wanted' List. "I get up, make my lunch, go to work, and come home. Just like any other good Roman Catholic."
"Some days I miss the old life. But, hey, what're ya' gonna' do? Fuhgedaboudit! Please, won't you try some of my cheese? I scraped the smegma off it myself."