Ruth Badger, aggressive businesswoman rival of Sir Alan Sugar, has today confirmed that she will be taking over the ailing RSPCA, which will be rechristened Badgers and Other Animals Rights (BOAR).
In a management revamp the "bleeding hearts" have been replaced by hard-faced business people who will " drive the heart of the business forward."
Badger announced in her distinctive Birmingham twang that lazy animals will not be tolerated in the revamped profit-making organisation. "The organisation needs to be noticed. I want to see puppies stationed on every motorway barking feebly for help, kittens spilling out of dustbins on every street corner. I'm offering £300.00 to the puppy or kitten who gets the biggest donation in the next 7 days!"
"Prepare to be sidelined by groups of roaming kittens asking for donations to the cause", commented new finance manager Michelle Dewberry.
"The other side of this aggressive marketing is that we will be giving these animals their self respect back,"
Ruth added, "Yes, I'm sick of seeing broken doe-eyed animals on TV, let's see them bark for their food!"
When asked if we are likely to see badgers fighting on the streets again, Ruth commented, "Leave my family out of this."